Pre-Big-Game Haiku

Tired, so tired
Take the taste out of my mouth
By roasting weenies.

Ordinarily
Running backs, not cornerbacks
Are ankle breakers.

Which Kevin Hogan
Do we see on Saturday?
Salvage the season.

We're leaving Las Vegas
On Sunday 12/21
Victory in hand.

Farm will rise again
Team's reach should exceed grasp or
What's the Rose Bowl for?
—Jeff Suto

Irrelevant Game
Two losers, pitched in battle
Back to normalcy.
—Richey Neuman

Big Game Week Haiku

Expectations kill
A disappointing season?
With just two losses?
—We Bow to No Man

One hundred sixteenth:
More than a century of
Stanford dominance.
—Gary Tyrrell

Take care of weenies
Hope for series of upsets
Alamo not bad.
—We Bow to No Man

Traditional foes,
One puts sport ahead of class,
The other's bowl bound.

Give 'em the Axe! Where?
(Many choices...one is clear)
Right in the neck! There!
—Scott DeBarger

"U.C. Berkeley"
Five syllables? Four? Not sure.
The Weenies still suck.
—Richey Neuman

Stanford 28, Cal 34.

I've got the blues bad
Please, dear God, not El Paso
Next week, go U-Dub!
--We Bow to No Man

The night before.

My mom's Facebook comment:
"You know Cal is going to win."
I will disown her.
--Cynthia Gentry

Bloom is off Tedford
Roses die in November
Withered, like Cal D.

If Wildcats beat Ducks,
And Ducks beat Naughty Beavers,
Pray AZ loses
--We Bow to No Man

Gary visiting
Old Bears taking their money
No doubt he got in.
--Fake Bill Walsh

Half a century
Since their most recent Rose Bowl
Cal 59ers

32 percent
Quite a tuition increase
Strike Bonfire Rally?
--Gary Tyrrell

Big Game Week

No haiku on blog
Where are my contributors?
Afraid Cal will win?
--Cynthia Gentry

Nooooooo: Ex-Stanford coach Montgomery headed to rival Cal.

What was the name that
Kal fans once called him? Oh yeah,
"Mike Mont-thuggery."

Monty goes to Kal.
I know how James Carville would
address him: Judas!

Like Ken Margerum
under Holmoe: dismantle
the bears from within?
--Gary

Monty at Berkeley
Lower GPA, you say?
Goin' to the Dance!

Benedict Arnold.
Tokyo Rose. Rosenbergs.
Welcome to the list.
--Richey

December 1, 2007: 110th Big Game. Stanford 20, Cal 13.

"We are by the car
in the eucalyptus grove.
We are wearing red."
--Gary Tyrrell, quoting Zach

Zach's Blackberry "died"
Passive-aggressive shunning
Who will he fire?
--Cynthia Gentry & Gary Tyrrell

We lead at the half
Stanford declares victory
of the moral kind.

Our lead stays intact
Axe returns to Stanford home.
My Cal friends are sad.
--Stanford Football Haiku reader Cliff Speed

At Peet's, Cal fan
gets joe, 10 packets Equal.
Her team thus loses.
--Cynthia Gentry

Big Game conflicts with Nap Time

Late game start does not
Bode well for child's nap schedule
Toddler does not drink.
--Cami

Warm-up to The 110th Big Game

I'm in Las Vegas
running 13.1 miles
Watching on Versus.
--Jeff Suto

Three-and-out Punt Fest
A longer half-marathon
Than Jeff will endure?
--Gary Tyrrell

B'Game win possible?
Both teams are in a tailspin
Who will crash softest?

First Big Game for son
Beginning great tradition
Gar's ale for breakfast.
--Richey Neuman

"...and then, in my fifth Super Bowl..."

L to R: John Elway (Stanford '83), Craig Hummer (VERSUS TV), Kevin Moen (California '83) and Gary Tyrrell (Stanford '83) reunite for the first time in 25 years to discuss "The Play" for a one-hour TV special to air November 24 at 6 p.m. ET. (Note that Elway and Tyrrell were the only ones to receive the memo about wardrobe.) Photo courtesy of Don Feria, Getty Images Entertainment.

Going to Peach Bowl!
Weenie's knee down, no whistle?
Who's Gary Tyrrell?
--John Elway

Too bad Moen got in
Trombone trombones tromboner
Gary made the hit.
--Fake Bill Walsh

November 17, 2007: Cal Bears lose to Washington, 37-23

Stall On, You Bears
Golden Bears stumbling
Oh, to have a running game
Then we'd be favored.

Five-oh to six-five
FireCoachJeffTedford.com
Bring back Tom Holmoe?

OSU meltdown
Goodbye to number one rank
Seems so long ago.

Harbaugh v. Tedford
"Harrrrrbaugh" sounds like a pirate
"Tedford" sounds preppy.

Lloyd Carr retirement
Go Blue opportunity?
So long, tree people.

Two and Nine Weis men
Three and seven Cardinal
Harbaugh seems more fit.
--Gary Tyrrell

Gary haiku flows
Big Game excitement peaking
This could be the year.
--Fake Bill Walsh

October 13, 2007: Oregon State Beavers 31, Cal Bears 28

Cal number one? No.
Riley applied, rejected.
He didn't get in.

Big Game, December 2, 2006: Stanford 17, Cal 26

No Big Game haiku?
Terrible season quashes
creativity.
--Cynthia Gentry

The Big Game Haiku
traditionally happy
Weenies suck less now.
--Zach Nelson

29-point spread
Per quarter, or for the game?
At least there's no rain.
--Gary Tyrrell

Does Ted Leland
dream of electric Buddies?
Tainted legacy.
--Jeff Suto

Going to the game?
Faculty Glade rendezvous
11 o'clock.
--Gary Tyrrell

Covering the spread
10 minutes to go in 4th
Moral victory?
--Jeff Suto

Game live in Philly
Was that a touchdown we scored?
Historic event.

Made son Ben watch game
This is where you'll go to school
Hey, Dad: One more beer?
--Richey Neuman

Cardinal sucked not
Weenies lose their Rose Bowl berth
All right now on Earth.
--Elizabeth Newell

Can we finally
field a decent team in my
lifetime? Maybe not.

Alas, off to work
KC winter sucks less with
Hopes of Stanford win.
--Nima Badiey

December 6, 2004: Cal Loses Rose Bowl Berth

No Rose Bowl for Cal
Sweet sound of Weenies sobbing
Tedford gets millions?
--Cynthia Gentry

Ten and one record
Holiday Bowl, a.k.a.
The "Cal-Was-Hosed" Bowl

Edged out of Rose Bowl
"Red State" coaches pick Texas
Al Gore feels your pain.

"Life is just not fair.
I swear to God it isn't."
Move to Canada?

Horrible 'Niners.
You won't need to relocate.
Hello, Jeff Tedford!
--Gary Tyrrell

Dead Kennedys say
(Not Donald) "a holiday
in Cambodia."
--Jeff Suto

Big Game, November 20, 2004: Stanford 6, Cal 41

Nima is Weenie
Sits with Cal while Cindi joins
Gary for Brie, beer.
--Cynthia Gentry

Thirty-five, Sixteen.
Weenies thinking "Rose Bowl" 'til
Bruins beat Trojans.
--Gary Tyrrell

In 2002
Zach had a feeling again
In 2004.
--Zach Nelson

Blowout in progress
Should be drafting documents
Zach had a feeling.
--Jeff Suto

BCS Bowl-bound?
Stanford will turn up the heat
Weenies get roasted.
--Jeff Suto

Stanford scores. We cheer.
Alums behind us complain.
Too bad! We still drink.
--Cynthia Gentry

Daddy's little girl:
Kneeling in her own vomit
F-Stanford t-shirt.
--Gary Tyrrell

The Hall of Fame Bowl
Only four seconds to go
It's All Right Now--D'oh!
--Gary Tyrrell

(On the occasion of the 24th anniversary of "The Play")
Forward lateral
Knee was definitely down
Trombone player squashed.
--Jeff Suto

Four in the morning
Gary has insomnia
Haikus flow like snot.

Mmm, beer and donuts
Empirically shown to
Mask a hangover.

24-point 'dogs
Who cares that kal is ranked fourth
Let's ruin their year.
--Gary Tyrrell