Wednesday, December 8, 2004

December 8, 2004: Senator Feinstein Defends the Weenies

(Skip to the end of this post for the statement that Senator Feinstein (D-CA) had read into the congressional record today.)

Pander to Weenies
Haircut like Kim Novak in
Planet of the Apes.
--Gary Tyrrell

Almost a great one
ID of actress just off
Hunter not Novak.
--Jeff Suto

Good call, Jeff Suto.
Haiku juices were flowing
Should have Googled it.
--Gary Tyrrell

"Nothing can detract
From Cal's great season." It can:
You are still Weenies.
--Richey Neuman

Text of Senator Diane Feinstein's (D-CA) statement:

Mr. President, I rise today to express my concerns about college football's Bowl Championship Series and the formula used to select teams to play in the major bowls at the end of the season.

Despite having one of their best seasons in years, the University of California at Berkeley Golden Bears were denied an opportunity to play the University of Michigan in the Rose Bowl on New Years Day, and will instead play Texas Tech in the Holiday Bowl on December 30th in San Diego.

For decades the Rose Bowl has featured the top teams from the Pac Ten Conference and the Big Ten Conference. Players and coaches dream of representing their universities in one of college football's showcase events. For their part, Cal fans and alumni have waited 46 years for another opportunity to see their Bears play in the "granddaddy of them all".

With all due respect to Texas, it just does not seem right to see the champion of the Big Ten Conference, Michigan, play a school from the Big Twelve Conference and not the Pac Ten. It would be like eliminating the traditional floats from the Tournament of Roses Parade.

I know it may surprise some that a proud Stanford alum would take to the Senate floor to speak out on behalf of the Cardinal's bitter rival, but as a senator representing the entire state of California, I feel it is my obligation to support all of our fine college athletes and to ensure that fairness and good sportsmanship prevails in the competitive arena.

The BCS was designed to ensure that the top two schools in the country have a chance to play each other for the national title. I am proud that another California school, the University of Southern California Trojans, will play number two ranked Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl.

If the top team from the Pac Ten cannot play in the Rose Bowl because it is playing for the national title, fans expect to see the next best school from the conference take its place.

And, make no mistake about it; Cal has earned a right to play in the Rose Bowl.

Led by Head Coach Jeff Tedford, quarterback Aaron Rodgers, defensive end Ryan Riddle, and running back J.J. Arrington, Cal won 10 and lost only once - on the road at USC -- beating teams by an average of 23.9 points per game. They were the only team to rank in the top six both in scoring and scoring defense.

In the end, despite beating Southern Mississippi 26-16 to win their final game of the year, Cal lost points in the ESPN/USA Today coaches poll -- one of the polls that accounts for 33 per cent of the BCS rankings - and thus was edged out by Texas for the opportunity to play in the Rose Bowl.

Let me be clear. The Texas Longhorns had a great season and I have a lot of respect for the University and their coaches and players.

But, Cal led Texas in the BCS rankings for most of the season and it is common sense to me that if a team is in position to earn a trip to the Rose Bowl and they win their last four games of the season - as Cal did -- they should not be denied an opportunity to play in that game.

Surely we can find a way to preserve the best traditions of college football and ensure that teams that earn an opportunity play in a major bowl, are allowed to do so.

In their last game, Cal had an opportunity to score another touchdown when the result of the game was no longer in doubt. Instead, Coach Tedford decided to let the clock run out. Perhaps another score would have impressed enough voters in the coaches poll to give Cal a chance to play in the Rose Bowl. But Coach Tedford did the right thing and college football should reward those decisions, not penalize them.

Nothing can detract from Cal's great season and I am confident that the team will bring home a win in the Holiday Bowl on December 30th. I wish them the best of luck

Monday, December 6, 2004

December 6, 2004: Cal Loses Rose Bowl Berth

No Rose Bowl for Cal
Sweet sound of Weenies sobbing
Tedford gets millions?
--Cynthia Gentry

Ten and one record
Holiday Bowl, a.k.a.
The "Cal-Was-Hosed" Bowl

Edged out of Rose Bowl
"Red State" coaches pick Texas
Al Gore feels your pain.

"Life is just not fair.
I swear to God it isn't."
Move to Canada?

Horrible 'Niners.
You won't need to relocate.
Hello, Jeff Tedford!
--Gary Tyrrell

Dead Kennedys say
(Not Donald) "a holiday
in Cambodia."
--Jeff Suto

Monday, November 29, 2004

November 29, 2004: Coach Teevens Fired

Buddy Teevens axed
Ten and twenty-three record
Three Big Games too late.
--Gary Tyrrell

Was Buddy Teevens
Paul Wiggins for the new age?
Certain are you, yes.
--Jeff Suto

Knute Ara Lou Devine
Tyrone got axed bled green not
Get it back perhaps.
--Zach Nelson

Buddy's salary
Was four hundred-fifty K
Too low for Tyrone.
--Jeff Suto

For four-fifty K
Tom Ridge is available
Scary uni-brow.
--Gary Tyrrell

For four-fifty K
Suto is available
Will save Leland's job.
--Jeff Suto

Friday, November 19, 2004

Big Game, November 20, 2004: Stanford 6, Cal 41

Nima is Weenie
Sits with Cal while Cindi joins
Gary for Brie, beer.
--Cynthia Gentry

Thirty-five, Sixteen.
Weenies thinking "Rose Bowl" 'til
Bruins beat Trojans.
--Gary Tyrrell

In 2002
Zach had a feeling again
In 2004.
--Zach Nelson

Blowout in progress
Should be drafting documents
Zach had a feeling.

--Jeff Suto

BCS Bowl-bound?
Stanford will turn up the heat
Weenies get roasted.
--Jeff Suto

Stanford scores. We cheer.
Alums behind us complain.
Too bad! We still drink.
--Cynthia Gentry

Daddy's little girl:
Kneeling in her own vomit
F-Stanford t-shirt.
--Gary Tyrrell

The Hall of Fame Bowl
Only four seconds to go
It's All Right Now--D'oh!
--Gary Tyrrell

(On the occasion of the 24th anniversary of "The Play")
Forward lateral
Knee was definitely down
Trombone player squashed.
--Jeff Suto

Four in the morning
Gary has insomnia
Haikus flow like snot.

Mmm, beer and donuts
Empirically shown to
Mask a hangover.

24-point 'dogs
Who cares that kal is ranked fourth
Let's ruin their year.
--Gary Tyrrell