Stanford Football Haiku

BCS-bound Cardinal (just in case it's the Fiesta Bowl)

2010-12-05T21:37:00.001-08:00

Oh, come on; I had
to say it: Boom'er Sooner?
I hardly know 'er.
--Gary Tyrrell

Sins of the father
Somehow avoid son
Newton's law of privity.

Primogeniture
Reggie Bush to press:
If I didn't ask, do I get?

Cam Newton as John Banner
Take my dad to the cooler
I know nuthink, Herr Colonel!
--We Bow to No Man

Upon hearing that
Stanford would not get Rose Bowl
Small football fan wept.
--Cynthia Gentry

BCS-Bound Cardinal

2010-12-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

Orange Bowl haikus
Easier than limericks
Harder to rhyme "orange."

ACC's Hokies
Versus the Fighting Harbaughs:
Stanford will smoke 'em.

Andrew Luck's swan song?
Please please please please please please, no.
Get your degree first.

NFL lock-out.
Stay in school, Jim and Andrew.
Twenty-twelve Rose Bowl
--Gary Tyrrell

Stanford 38, Oregon State 0

2010-11-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

4 in BCS
Never thought I'd see the day
Can you say "road trip"?!?

Harbaugh stock is high
Big offers likely coming
Bye, Singletary?
--Richey

Visit Bowl Central for a recap of the Stanford-Oregon State blowout--I mean "game."

A stadium half full or half empty?

2010-11-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

An article in today's San Jose Mercury News described Stanford's trouble in filling its stadium despite a record football season. Our very own Gary Tyrrell is quoted.

Empty stadium
Guilt over not attending
Word, Gary Tyrrell
--We Bow to No Man

Stanford Continuing Studies

2010-11-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

The cognoscenti
have discovered the virtues
of five syllables.
--We Bow to No Man

Stanford 37, USC 31

2010-10-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

Traveler VII
Ready for glue factor
Kiffin as knacker.
--We Bow to No Man

Post-season sanctions
may become irrelevant
for SoCal cheaters.
--We Bow to No Man

"Watched" game on iPhone
Text trash from sis in L.A.
Silenced at 0:00.
--Richey

Stanford vs. Oregon, 31-52

2010-10-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

Grew up in Eugene
Ducks sucked when I was a youth
Welcome to my world.
--Richey

Quack quack quack quack quack
can't believe we fucking lost
quack quack quack quack quack.
--Nima

Quack attack. We're stunned.
Too stunned to create haiku.
Et tu, Gary T?
--Cynthia Gentry

Stanford 68, Wake Forest 24

2010-09-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

September Nineteenth
It's Talk Like a Pirate Day
Hail to Coach Harrrrrrrrrbaugh

"Is that us?" I asked
Regarding black-clad Stanford.
I meant "Is that we?"

What Steely Dan meant:
Call Stanford the Mighty Red
Call them Deacon blue.
--Gary Tyrrell

Stanford 52, Sacramento State 17

2010-09-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

The Stanford Band owes
Us a royalty today
Haiku halftime show.
--Fake Bill Walsh

Cynthia asks: Where is the Stanford Snuggie?

2010-08-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

Get close to your team!
Famous intimacy sage
Plugs logo'ed Snuggies
--We Bow to No Man

And the Heisman goes to...not Toby.

2009-12-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

Regional bias
What were voters thinking?
Neil Young was right.
--We Bow to No Man

How does a senior
Lose Heisman to a soph'more
Blame AD not press.
--Fake Bill Walsh

Stanford 28, Cal 34.

2009-11-21T22:10:00.000-08:00

I've got the blues bad
Please, dear God, not El Paso
Next week, go U-Dub!
--We Bow to No Man

The night before.

2009-11-20T22:03:00.000-08:00

My mom's Facebook comment:
"You know Cal is going to win."
I will disown her.
--Cynthia Gentry

Bloom is off Tedford
Roses die in November
Withered, like Cal D.

If Wildcats beat Ducks,
And Ducks beat Naughty Beavers,
Pray AZ loses
--We Bow to No Man

Gary visiting
Old Bears taking their money
No doubt he got in.
--Fake Bill Walsh

Half a century
Since their most recent Rose Bowl
Cal 59ers

32 percent
Quite a tuition increase
Strike Bonfire Rally?
--Gary Tyrrell

The next bestseller

2009-11-10T21:42:00.000-08:00

Cindi, your next book:
What Stanford Fans Really Want--
Toby for Heisman
--Gary Tyrrell

Not a great weekend for Bay Area sports

2009-10-12T09:57:00.001-07:00

A weekend of FAIL.
Forty-niners. Raiders. FAIL.
Stanford football. FAIL.

Gary T muses on recent events

2009-10-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

It's still early, but
This Cardinal team is good.
Cal, though, is shell-shocked.

Stanford Stadium
Here's to the Student Section:
"Oh Oh Oh - FIRST DOWN!"

-Gary T.

USC 30 - Cal 3

2009-10-04T13:35:00.001-07:00

Cal weenies lose game
No morale majority
to crush USC

Stanford 24 - UCLA 16

2009-10-04T13:33:00.000-07:00

Cardinal Perfect
We are sweeping the Pac-10
Toby Gerhart fan

Why I love the Stanford Band

2008-11-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

Hail New Mexico
Our Band cheers "2x + 4
Where X is your score!"

(original article: http://www.yardbarker.com/wnba/articles/why_i_love_the_stanford_band/387320)

Big Game Week

2008-11-20T21:41:00.000-08:00

No haiku on blog
Where are my contributors?
Afraid Cal will win?
--Cynthia Gentry

October 11, 2008: Stanford: 24, Arizona: 23

2008-10-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

A Homecoming win
They called it "improbable"
We call it Loukas.

Our third-string winner
Can beat your first-string loser.
Cardinal glory.
--Nima

Homecoming weekend
A last-minute victory
Good for Stanford Fund.

It's mid-October
Three-and-one: Stanford controls
R*se Bowl destiny.
--Gary

August 28, 2008: Stanford 36, Oregon State 28

2008-08-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

Bring back the haiku
It is football season now
Where is Gary T.?
--Cliff Speed

Defeat of Beavers
Plus transitive property:
Better than 'SC.
--Gary Tyrrell

To tide you over until August.

2008-07-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.
--@brianshaler, via Twitter

Stanford's Trent Johnson moves to LSU.

2008-04-09T21:28:00.000-07:00

Trent to LSU
after Monty, Tennessee
Next up--Marquess quits.
--Jeff

Stanford women lose 64-48 to Tennesse in NCAA Final.

2008-04-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

Grieving Stanford's loss.
No, didn't watch game.
Son: "Teletubbies!"
--Cynthia

Future of players:
Tennessee - WNBA
Stanford - Med/Law School.
--Richey

Nooooooo: Ex-Stanford coach Montgomery headed to rival Cal.

2008-04-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

What was the name that
Kal fans once called him? Oh yeah,
"Mike Mont-thuggery."

Monty goes to Kal.
I know how James Carville would
address him: Judas!

Like Ken Margerum
under Holmoe: dismantle
the bears from within?
--Gary

Monty at Berkeley
Lower GPA, you say?
Goin' to the Dance!

Benedict Arnold.
Tokyo Rose. Rosenbergs.
Welcome to the list.
--Richey

Stanford Women's Basketball Team in the Final Four.

2008-04-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

Gino Auriemma
"Dope," "smart-ass" the polite names
Summit calls him.

Women's Final Four
Long time since ninety-seven
Beat UConn like drum.
--Jeff Suto

Live or TV?

2008-03-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

Watch game on tv

Or brave the Grove with Gary?

Decision postponed.
--Cami

Prepping for the 2008 season.

2008-03-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

Stanford today announced the launch of 2008 Football season ticket renewals.

We face decision:
Stay and boil? Move to shade means
Red polyester.
--Cynthia Gentry

Football tix -- online
renewal application
by 3/12: fee waived.
--Gary Tyrrell

Online renewal
somehow saves environment.
Explain that to me?
--Cynthia Gentry

Oprah Winfrey to deliver 2008 Stanford commencement address.

2008-02-28T11:30:00.000-08:00

Stanford President John Hennessy announced on February 21 that Oprah Winfrey, "the global media leader and philanthropist," will be the university's 2008 Commencement speaker. While not strictly a football-related announcement, it was deemed worth of comment by members of the 5-7-5 Club.

Nineteen Eighty-Three
SecState George Schultz was speaker
Youth today are soft.
--Jeff Suto

Commencement speaker:
The Queen of All Media
Obama rally?
--Gary Tyrrell

December 1, 2007: 110th Big Game. Stanford 20, Cal 13.

2007-12-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

"We are by the car
in the eucalyptus grove.
We are wearing red."
--Gary Tyrrell, quoting Zach

Zach's Blackberry "died"
Passive-aggressive shunning
Who will he fire?
--Cynthia Gentry & Gary Tyrrell

We lead at the half
Stanford declares victory
of the moral kind.

Our lead stays intact
Axe returns to Stanford home.
My Cal friends are sad.
--Stanford Football Haiku reader Cliff Speed

At Peet's, Cal fan
gets joe, 10 packets Equal.
Her team thus loses.
--Cynthia Gentry

Big Game conflicts with Nap Time

2007-11-29T22:10:00.000-08:00

Late game start does not
Bode well for child's nap schedule
Toddler does not drink.
--Cami

Warm-up to The 110th Big Game

2007-11-29T21:54:00.000-08:00

I'm in Las Vegas
running 13.1 miles
Watching on Versus.
--Jeff Suto

Three-and-out Punt Fest
A longer half-marathon
Than Jeff will endure?
--Gary Tyrrell

B'Game win possible?
Both teams are in a tailspin
Who will crash softest?

First Big Game for son
Beginning great tradition
Gar's ale for breakfast.
--Richey Neuman

Green is not the color of envy. November 24, 2007: Stanford 14, Notre Dame 21

2007-11-26T21:58:00.000-08:00

yet another loss
no fighting irish found here
ugly green color.
--Nima

Those dirty Irish
Steal our coach and then dump him
Because he's not Weis.
--Jeff Suto

"...and then, in my fifth Super Bowl..."

2007-11-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

L to R: John Elway (Stanford '83), Craig Hummer (VERSUS TV), Kevin Moen (California '83) and Gary Tyrrell (Stanford '83) reunite for the first time in 25 years to discuss "The Play" for a one-hour TV special to air November 24 at 6 p.m. ET. (Note that Elway and Tyrrell were the only ones to receive the memo about wardrobe.) Photo courtesy of Don Feria, Getty Images Entertainment.

Going to Peach Bowl!
Weenie's knee down, no whistle?
Who's Gary Tyrrell?
--John Elway

Too bad Moen got in
Trombone trombones tromboner
Gary made the hit.
--Fake Bill Walsh

November 17, 2007: Cal Bears lose to Washington, 37-23

2007-11-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

Stall On, You Bears
Golden Bears stumbling
Oh, to have a running game
Then we'd be favored.

Five-oh to six-five
FireCoachJeffTedford.com
Bring back Tom Holmoe?

OSU meltdown
Goodbye to number one rank
Seems so long ago.

Harbaugh v. Tedford
"Harrrrrbaugh" sounds like a pirate
"Tedford" sounds preppy.

Lloyd Carr retirement
Go Blue opportunity?
So long, tree people.

Two and Nine Weis men
Three and seven Cardinal
Harbaugh seems more fit.
--Gary Tyrrell

Gary haiku flows
Big Game excitement peaking
This could be the year.
--Fake Bill Walsh

Copycats.

2007-11-15T12:08:00.000-08:00

(Editor's note: After Stanford's amazing upset over USC, Trojan fans responded with their own haiku blo g. It was a nice try.)

Yuk! 'SC haikus!

5 (x) 7 (+) 5? Nearly

41-point line.
--Richey Neuman

November 3, 2007: Stanford 9, Washington 27

2007-11-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

Miserable game.
Injun summer weather, though,
made beers quite tasty.
--Gary Tyrrell

Coach as Haiku Master

2007-10-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

We bow to no man,
No program here at Stanford
University.
--Jim Harbaugh

Cardinal Red Sox

2007-10-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Baseball trumps football
Is there a game this weekend?
Red Sox win again.
--Nima Badiey

October 13, 2007: Stanford 36, TCU 38

2007-10-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Tavita so close
Horned toads deliver heartbreak
At least I drank beer.
--Cynthia W. Gentry

October 13, 2007: Oregon State Beavers 31, Cal Bears 28

2007-10-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

Cal number one? No.
Riley applied, rejected.
He didn't get in.

Reunion Weekend: October 13, 2007 vs. TCU.

2007-10-11T20:53:00.000-07:00

Ready for the Horned Frogs
We will lick them like cane toads
Bad, naughty cane toads.
--Jeff Suto

More on Stanford's USC upset.

2007-10-10T18:09:00.000-07:00

Sopranos ending
Nothing compared to Stanford's
Don't stop believing.
--Jeff Suto

October 6, 2007: Stanford 24, USC 23

2007-10-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

Stanford U S C
David and Goliath too
Pressure bursts Trojans.
--Anonymous

John David Booty:
Many gamblers are upset
Bet farm on 'SC.

Broke middle finger
That's okay; the Trojan fans
Likely gave you theirs.
--Gary Tyrrell

Sun up in Sydney
Glowing bright as Stanford win
Still night for 'SC.

Aussies not impressed
Watching rugby and cricket
Much ale still flowed.
--Richey Neuman

"We bow to no man,
No program here at Stanford."
Coach Harbaugh Haiku.
--Jeff Suto

Great game, Mark Bradford
Heart so heavy, hands so soft
This one's for you, Pops.
--Gary Tyrrell

Four sacks on the day
Trojans don't protect Booty
Those worthless scumbags.
--Jeff Suto

Big Game, December 2, 2006: Stanford 17, Cal 26

2006-12-02T22:03:00.000-08:00

No Big Game haiku?
Terrible season quashes
creativity.
--Cynthia Gentry

The Big Game Haiku
traditionally happy
Weenies suck less now.
--Zach Nelson

29-point spread
Per quarter, or for the game?
At least there's no rain.
--Gary Tyrrell

Does Ted Leland
dream of electric Buddies?
Tainted legacy.
--Jeff Suto

Going to the game?
Faculty Glade rendezvous
11 o'clock.
--Gary Tyrrell

Covering the spread
10 minutes to go in 4th
Moral victory?
--Jeff Suto

Game live in Philly
Was that a touchdown we scored?
Historic event.

Made son Ben watch game
This is where you'll go to school
Hey, Dad: One more beer?
--Richey Neuman

Cardinal sucked not
Weenies lose their Rose Bowl berth
All right now on Earth.
--Elizabeth Newell

Can we finally
field a decent team in my
lifetime? Maybe not.

Alas, off to work
KC winter sucks less with
Hopes of Stanford win.
--Nima Badiey

November 4, 2006: Stanford 0, USC 42

2006-11-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

Did we really lose
Forty-two to zero? My
toddler should coach.
--Cynthia Gentry

You would not be stunned
had you seen the Cardinal’s
prior performance.
--Gary Tyrrell

What! Forty two to
nothing. Life is unfair to
old Stanford alums.
--Nima Badiey

It's Stanford football
not your mid-night wailing that
drives Mommy to drink.
--Cynthia Gentry

Treat alum seizure
made the game not look so bad
...who am I kidding?
--Richey Neuman

O'Douls? What's the harm?
Let me open that for you.
Calling Doc Richey!
--Gary "The Enabler" Tyrrell

Doctors all aware
O'Douls not good for withdrawl
One needs martini.
--Richey Neuman, M.D.

April 19, 2005: Stanford in the NCAA Tournament

2005-04-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

(And now for a brief break for Stanford Basketball, which in March 2005 earned its 11th straight trip to the NCAA Tournament, only to fall in the first round.)

Choose Cal or Stanford?
No allegiances remain
Done both now finished.
--Nima Badiey

Slit your wrist, Nima.
What color are you bleeding?
(Just a metaphor.)
--Gary Tyrrell

All this Weenie talk
Making Cindi so cranky
Pregnancy hormones.
--Cynthia Gentry

NCAA Champs
Where is Stanford where is Cal?
Wooden's legacy.
--Nima Badiey

Thank you for asking.
Stanford has one 89.
Cal's got 23.
--Gary Tyrrell

December 8, 2004: Senator Feinstein Defends the Weenies

2004-12-08T14:31:00.000-08:00

(Skip to the end of this post for the statement that Senator Feinstein (D-CA) had read into the congressional record today.)

Pander to Weenies
Haircut like Kim Novak in
Planet of the Apes.
--Gary Tyrrell

Almost a great one
ID of actress just off
Hunter not Novak.
--Jeff Suto

Good call, Jeff Suto.
Haiku juices were flowing
Should have Googled it.
--Gary Tyrrell

"Nothing can detract
From Cal's great season." It can:
You are still Weenies.
--Richey Neuman

Text of Senator Diane Feinstein's (D-CA) statement:

Mr. President, I rise today to express my concerns about college football's Bowl Championship Series and the formula used to select teams to play in the major bowls at the end of the season.

Despite having one of their best seasons in years, the University of California at Berkeley Golden Bears were denied an opportunity to play the University of Michigan in the Rose Bowl on New Years Day, and will instead play Texas Tech in the Holiday Bowl on December 30th in San Diego.

For decades the Rose Bowl has featured the top teams from the Pac Ten Conference and the Big Ten Conference. Players and coaches dream of representing their universities in one of college football's showcase events. For their part, Cal fans and alumni have waited 46 years for another opportunity to see their Bears play in the "granddaddy of them all".

With all due respect to Texas, it just does not seem right to see the champion of the Big Ten Conference, Michigan, play a school from the Big Twelve Conference and not the Pac Ten. It would be like eliminating the traditional floats from the Tournament of Roses Parade.

I know it may surprise some that a proud Stanford alum would take to the Senate floor to speak out on behalf of the Cardinal's bitter rival, but as a senator representing the entire state of California, I feel it is my obligation to support all of our fine college athletes and to ensure that fairness and good sportsmanship prevails in the competitive arena.

The BCS was designed to ensure that the top two schools in the country have a chance to play each other for the national title. I am proud that another California school, the University of Southern California Trojans, will play number two ranked Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl.

If the top team from the Pac Ten cannot play in the Rose Bowl because it is playing for the national title, fans expect to see the next best school from the conference take its place.

And, make no mistake about it; Cal has earned a right to play in the Rose Bowl.

Led by Head Coach Jeff Tedford, quarterback Aaron Rodgers, defensive end Ryan Riddle, and running back J.J. Arrington, Cal won 10 and lost only once - on the road at USC -- beating teams by an average of 23.9 points per game. They were the only team to rank in the top six both in scoring and scoring defense.

In the end, despite beating Southern Mississippi 26-16 to win their final game of the year, Cal lost points in the ESPN/USA Today coaches poll -- one of the polls that accounts for 33 per cent of the BCS rankings - and thus was edged out by Texas for the opportunity to play in the Rose Bowl.

Let me be clear. The Texas Longhorns had a great season and I have a lot of respect for the University and their coaches and players.

But, Cal led Texas in the BCS rankings for most of the season and it is common sense to me that if a team is in position to earn a trip to the Rose Bowl and they win their last four games of the season - as Cal did -- they should not be denied an opportunity to play in that game.

Surely we can find a way to preserve the best traditions of college football and ensure that teams that earn an opportunity play in a major bowl, are allowed to do so.

In their last game, Cal had an opportunity to score another touchdown when the result of the game was no longer in doubt. Instead, Coach Tedford decided to let the clock run out. Perhaps another score would have impressed enough voters in the coaches poll to give Cal a chance to play in the Rose Bowl. But Coach Tedford did the right thing and college football should reward those decisions, not penalize them.

Nothing can detract from Cal's great season and I am confident that the team will bring home a win in the Holiday Bowl on December 30th. I wish them the best of luck

December 6, 2004: Cal Loses Rose Bowl Berth

2004-12-06T22:22:00.000-08:00

No Rose Bowl for Cal
Sweet sound of Weenies sobbing
Tedford gets millions?
--Cynthia Gentry

Ten and one record
Holiday Bowl, a.k.a.
The "Cal-Was-Hosed" Bowl

Edged out of Rose Bowl
"Red State" coaches pick Texas
Al Gore feels your pain.

"Life is just not fair.
I swear to God it isn't."
Move to Canada?

Horrible 'Niners.
You won't need to relocate.
Hello, Jeff Tedford!
--Gary Tyrrell

Dead Kennedys say
(Not Donald) "a holiday
in Cambodia."
--Jeff Suto

November 29, 2004: Coach Teevens Fired

2004-11-29T22:18:00.000-08:00

Buddy Teevens axed
Ten and twenty-three record
Three Big Games too late.
--Gary Tyrrell

Was Buddy Teevens
Paul Wiggins for the new age?
Certain are you, yes.
--Jeff Suto

Knute Ara Lou Devine
Tyrone got axed bled green not
Get it back perhaps.
--Zach Nelson

Buddy's salary
Was four hundred-fifty K
Too low for Tyrone.
--Jeff Suto

For four-fifty K
Tom Ridge is available
Scary uni-brow.
--Gary Tyrrell

For four-fifty K
Suto is available
Will save Leland's job.
--Jeff Suto

Big Game, November 20, 2004: Stanford 6, Cal 41

2004-11-19T05:40:00.000-08:00

Nima is Weenie
Sits with Cal while Cindi joins
Gary for Brie, beer.
--Cynthia Gentry

Thirty-five, Sixteen.
Weenies thinking "Rose Bowl" 'til
Bruins beat Trojans.
--Gary Tyrrell

In 2002
Zach had a feeling again
In 2004.
--Zach Nelson

Blowout in progress
Should be drafting documents
Zach had a feeling.
--Jeff Suto

BCS Bowl-bound?
Stanford will turn up the heat
Weenies get roasted.
--Jeff Suto

Stanford scores. We cheer.
Alums behind us complain.
Too bad! We still drink.
--Cynthia Gentry

Daddy's little girl:
Kneeling in her own vomit
F-Stanford t-shirt.
--Gary Tyrrell

The Hall of Fame Bowl
Only four seconds to go
It's All Right Now--D'oh!
--Gary Tyrrell

(On the occasion of the 24th anniversary of "The Play")
Forward lateral
Knee was definitely down
Trombone player squashed.
--Jeff Suto

Four in the morning
Gary has insomnia
Haikus flow like snot.

Mmm, beer and donuts
Empirically shown to
Mask a hangover.

24-point 'dogs
Who cares that kal is ranked fourth
Let's ruin their year.
--Gary Tyrrell